OSU squirrels become friendlier, smarter thanks to nutrient-infused library fountain

Monday, April 1, 2024

Media Contact: Hayley Hagen | Digital Communications Manager | 405-744-6242 | hayley.hagen@okstate.edu

Oklahoma State University’s squirrels have always been known for their charming personalities, but according to OSU officials, there’s a new secret behind their friendliness — the water.

Specifically, the water in the fountain outside of Edmon Low Library, which is infused with a special nutrient-rich liquid called “Squirrel Zoom Serum Alpha 12.”

The fountain has been retrofitted with a special solution designed to enhance the cognitive function and social skills of the squirrels who drink from it.

“We wanted to give our furry friends the best chance at success,” said one university official. “By enriching their diet with these essential nutrients, we believe we can help them develop better social skills and a more positive outlook on life. By 2026, our hope is that we can enroll the squirrels in study abroad programs to further their enrichment.”

According to students who have observed the squirrels drinking from the fountain, the results have been remarkable. 

“These squirrels at OSU are just so much friendlier and more outgoing than the ones I see in other places,” said one student. “It’s like they’re almost human. I heard the rumor that the university had a squirrel fee, but I had no idea it was being used for something like this.”

But not everyone is convinced that the fountain is a good idea. Some students have expressed concerns about the potential side effects of such a radical dietary change.

“What if the squirrels become too smart?” asked one student. “What if they try to take over the campus? We need to be careful here.”

University officials say they have taken these concerns into account and are monitoring the squirrels closely for any signs of unusual behavior. The squirrels have formed a few clubs and small organizations, but at this point there are no signs of disruptive intentions.

For now, the squirrels seem to be enjoying their enhanced diet and newfound social skills.

“If you’re still reading this, you should know that it’s April 1st and this is just a joke,” said the squirrel.